****************************************
Wife : Darling kuch Saal Pehle Mera Figure COKE Bottle jesa Tha
Husband gusse se bola : Figure To Aaj B Coke jesa hi hai.
Pehle Reguler Bottle thi ab jumbo pack hai.
****************************************

Wife : Ye aap ki shirt per lipstick ka nishan
kahan se aaya?
Husband : Mein khud paresaan hu nishan dekhkar.
Maine tu uss wakt shirt utari hui thi.
****************************************

Wife : whenever we keep the money in the bags our son steals it,
I don’t know what to do?
.
.
.
.
Husband : Keep it in his books. I know he will never touch them…
****************************************

Wife shopping karke wapas aayi,
To husband wife se samaan laate hue bola,
“Zaror Tm Mere Khane K Lye Kch Lai Hogi?”
Wife : Bilkul theek kaha, esme mere new sandel hain!!!
****************************************

Wife : What will u give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband : Le, isme pucchne wali kya baat hai…DHAKKAA!!!
****************************************

Wife to Hubby : Mein tumhari jindagi ki kitab hoon.
Husband : Yehi to afsos hai.
Calendar hoti to har saal change to kar leta!
****************************************

****************************************
Wife to Husband : Meri to koi aulad nahi hai isliye
sochti hu ki apni saari jaydad kisi sadhu ko daan kar dungi

Yeh sunkar pati uthkar jane laga

Patni : Tum kaha ja rahe ho?
Pati : Sadhu ban-ne
****************************************

Santa Banta se bola “Bhai aaj to chay peene ka maza aa gaya.”
Banta : Santa Jee, agar billi ne dudh me muh na mara hota to aur bhi
maza aata!!!
****************************************

Ek aadmi apne aap me kehta hu ja raha tha ki aisi zindagi se toh maut aachi.
Achanak Yamdoot aa gaya aur bola “Tumhari jaan lene ka hukm hai”
Aadmi : Lo batao, aab insaan mazaak bhi nahi kar sakta hai kya?
****************************************

Wife Saw Sign Board:

Nylon Saree
Rs.8/-
Cotton Saree
Rs.5/-
Banarsi Saree
Rs.10/-

Wife: Give me Rs.500 I’ll buy 50 Sarees.

Husband: Andhi! Dhobi ki dukaan hai
****************************************

****************************************

Santa : I got old age pension by showing grey hair on my chest.

Jeeto : Pant ki zip khol ke dikha dete to Disability Allowance bhi mil jaata!!!

****************************************

Santa is raping a girl. Girl shouting,

Santa : Chillao yahan se tumhari awaz bahar nahi ja sakti,

Girl : Mujhe yakin nahi aata,

Santa : Theek hai mein yahan chillata hun tum bahar jaake suno aawaz aati hai ya nahi?

****************************************

A man goes 2 Doctor after being raped by an elephant.

Doctor : Your ass got 10 inches wider while elephant’s dick is only 3 inch wide.

Man : That bastard fingered me first.

****************************************

Husband to Wife : Mein shaadi se pehle 20 auraton ke saath so chuka hoon.

Wife : Mujhe pata tha ki jab kundli mili hai to aadatein bhi zarur milti hogi!!!

****************************************

On first night after marriage

Wife : Mujhe ghabrahat ho rahi hai.

Husband : I thinK because this is your first night.

Wife : No, no.. Actually it is first time in night…

****************************************.

After legalizing gay’s relations in india

The question tailors are asking to male customers while stitching trousers…

“Sir, Zip aage lagau ya peeche?

****************************************

Height Of Embarrasment :

Man Sitting With his Wife in the Park

Another Lady Comes to his Wife and Says:

“Paise Pehly Le lena, ye admi Baad Mai Bahut Lafra Karta Hai.

****************************************

Medical science proved ki

Kapre tight pehnney se Blood Circulation ruk jati hai.

But

Larkiyon ke kapre jitne tight ho,

Larko ke blood circulation utni tez hoti hai!!

****************************************

Boss: Itne kam kapray pehan k q aai ho? Aadha jism dikh raha hai.

Girl: Itni salary mein yehi aata hai!

Boss: Manager, Iss ko 3 months tak salary mat dena

****************************************

A Boss has 2 Interview 4 Girls for Secretary Position. He asked each 1 of them

Question : A Woman Normally has 2 Mouths ! What’s the difference between the 2?

The 1st answered: 1 can talk But The other can′t.

2nd answered: 1 is Vertical & The other is Horizontal.

3rd answered: 1 is Hairy, The other isn′t.

The Last 1 answered: 1 is for My Use & The Other is for My Boss !

Boss: “Yes, You’re Hired !”

****************************************

****************************************
Santa ki amma maar gayi.
Ek aadmi bola – amma mujhe bhi le jati apne saath.
Do char aur bole – haan amma hume bhi le jati
Santa Bola – Chup ho jao gadho.
Amma kya sumo karke gayi hai??
****************************************

Teacher to Student : Last Semester you were roaming
with that girl and this semester you are roaming with other.
What you think of yourself?
Boy : Syllabus changed mam.
****************************************

Ravana : Cigeratte hai kya?
Hanuman : Nahi Hai.
Ram : Ek packet hai na.
Hanuman : Aap chup rahiye prabhu. Iske 10 sir hain.
Pura packet khatam ho jayega.
****************************************

Santa by mistake goes into a ladies toilet.
All ladies suddenly stand up
Santa : Izzat dil me ho yehi kaafi hai,
Baitho Baitho…:)
****************************************

****************************************
Yamraj asks 3 ladies -
Kabhi kiss kiya?
1st lady : Shadi se pehle.
Yamraj : Chal Nark me.
2nd Lady : Shaadi ke baad.
Yamraj : Chal Swarg me.
3rd Lady : Na pehle na baad me.
Yamraj : Chal kamre me!!!
****************************************

Doctor : Aab tabiyat kaisi hai?
Santa : Pehle se jyada kharab hai.
Doctor : Dawai khali thi?
Santa : Nahi dawai ki sishi to bhari hui thi.
Doctor : I mean dawai le li thi?
Santa : Ji aapne di to meine le li thi.
Doctor : Bewkoof dawai pee li thi?
Santa : Nahi dawai to laal thi.
Doctor : Abe gadhe dawai ko pee liya tha?
Santa : Nahi sir peelia to mujhe tha!!!
****************************************

****************************************
College Girls: Jab hum apas me gandi-gandi bate karte hai
to ladko k kaan khade ho jate hai na?
Boys: Achha tum log usko kaan kehte ho?
****************************************

Lady: Baba mera pati kab sudhrenga?
Baba: Pati ko laye ho?
Lady: Nahi.
Baba: Koi baat nahi, apna blouse kholiye
Lady: Kyun?
Baba: Pati ki hath ki rekha dekhni hai!!!
****************************************

Santa to Shopkeeper: Bhai Sahab ek condom dena.
Meine girlfriend ko gift dena hai.
Shopkeeper: Ess par cover chada du.
Santa: Arrey nai yeh to cover hai gift to mere pass hai.
****************************************

Ladki: Bhaiya 12 kele dedo
Fruit Wala: Ye lo behen.
Ladki: Yeh to naram hai thode kadak de do
Fruit Wala: kya madam kabhi to khane k liye liya karo..!!!
****************************************

****************************************
Banta: Kee Gal hai Sante. Akelle kelle samosey kha reyan
Santa : Nahin yaarr, Chutney De Naal.
****************************************

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave
Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.
****************************************

On 1st April sardar was travelling in a bus. Conductor
asked for the ticket, he gave him Rs. 10 and took the ticket
in his pocket and said,”April Fool”. I have pass.
****************************************

Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par please mujhe maroge to nahi.
Santa: Haan bolo.
Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu.
Santa: It’s a gud News. Ess baat par kyu tumhe maru.
Jeeto: Shadi se pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.
****************************************

****************************************

The Full Form of Chocolate Brand :

KITKAT – Kiss in Time, Kiss at Time
PERK – Perfect Emotional Romantic Kiss
MUNCH – Meet Urgently Now for a Charming Hug! So think before giving chocolate to any one.
****************************************

Boy – I love you
Girl – But I don’t
Boy – Think again.
Girl – No I don’t
Boy – Waiter Bill alag alag lana
Girl – I love u, I love u, Keh to rahi hu, tum bhi bura maan jate ho! ****************************************

Ek 99 year ka aadmi Swarg ki raunak aur sunder apsarao ko dekhke bola : “Ye Baba Ramdev ke chakkar me na pada hota to yaha 30 saal pehle aa gaya hota”.
****************************************

****************************************
Santa to Autodriver : Gurudware Jaoge?
Driver : Haan bilkul jaunga?
Santa ne jeb se polythin nikala aur bola : Wapas aana to mere
liye langar le aana!
****************************************

Husband : Jab mein aache clothes pehenkar bazaar jata hu to sabziwale
sabzi mehngi dete hai. Jab gande kapde pehenkar jata hu to saste.
Wife : Tum katora lekar jaya karo na, free me hi sabzi mil jayegi!
****************************************

Daughter : Mummy khana kaise banaya jata hai.
Mummy : Pinky, meine kitni baar tumse kaha hai ki apne papa ke kaam
ki baat mujhse mat pucha karo!!
****************************************

Baniya : Kal tumhare mayke jane ke baad raat ko chor aa gaye. Unhone
mujhe khub pita aur murga bhi bana diya.
Wife : To kya aapne shor nahi machaya.
Baniya : Mein kya darpok hu jo shor machaunga!!
****************************************

Boss ki wife achana office pahuch gayi. Usne secretary ko boss ke god
me baithe dekh liya. Boss bina ghabraye bola, “Kaan kholkar sun lo. Budget ki
chahe kitni hi kami ho, mein ek chair se kaam nahi chala sakta.
Dusri chair kharidne ka order aaj hi de do”.
****************************************

****************************************
Doctor to Female : Kya aap delivery ke time baache ke pita ko
apne paas dekhna chahenge?
Female : Nahi, unhe mere pati pasand nahi karte!!!
****************************************

Ek rangile ne apne girlfriend ke kuch jyada hi kareeb aane ki koshish ki.
GF : yaar, shaadi se pehle ye sab nahi.
Rangila : Don’t worry, mein pehle se hi shaadi-shuda hu!!!
****************************************

Ek baar ek terrorist ne ek budhiya ke ghar me bomb rakh diya.
Log chillaye – Budhiya bomb hai, Budhiya bomb hai.
Budhiya sarmakar boli : Dhatt teri, wo to mein jawani me thi!!!
****************************************